"Днеска е черен ден, Андонов. Сутринта се събудих... и имах брат.
Сега пак се събудих... И брат ми умря.
***
Ще се моля за теб, братле. Да си жив и да си добре. Защото ако някой ден ме помолиш за помощ... не знам дали ще ти помогна."
понеделник, 31 декември 2012 г.
четвъртък, 13 декември 2012 г.
Не ти ли стига?
Като човешка сълза във вълната, като обло камъче в планината, като път до пропастта, като вулкан, като огъня на Номадите, като църква до Бога - обичам те толкова много, а ти толкова малко мене...
Като затворник през лятото, аз съм твоят затворник през лятото, като иконата на святото, ти си моята икона на святото, там, където свършват зад ъгъла всички религии, започваш ти...Защо те обичам толкова много?
Ти си черешовите небеса, взрив на нарциси, алабастров дъжд, канелен пясък, крясък на шарена птица, очите на бъдещо момче, препълнени с блясък и ухание. Ти си светлината, която прави сянка, аз съм само стената, където сенките играят, светлината и стената, а между тях живите и останалите.
...Светлината и стената, а между тях живите и останалите...
Ти си нова надежда за вечно обичане, ти си прекрасното и необяснимо привличане между непознати ангели в залива на „утре”. Аз съм обичта, обикновената, ти си величието на една малка мечта, ти си надолу по реката, надолу по реката, зеленото петно в градината на Дявола, надолу по реката.
Защо те обичам толкова много, като книжна лодка с написаното на нея стихотворение, отиващо към нетлението, като зрънце слънце към затъмнението? Като дъжд в реката, като длъжник пред олтара, като шепа пръст на земята, като жълта пчела в небесата, като кал в ръката на Господ и изгубен ключ сред нещата, без смисъл и толкова просто, като малко момиче, като халка от верига, не ти ли стига, толкова много да те обичам, а ти мене толкова малко?!
Не ти ли стига да те обичам? Като сън преди вечност и молба без колене, толкова много да те обичам, а ти толкова малко мене...”
вторник, 11 декември 2012 г.
Win-win-winning of the Bipolar
Are you happy now?
Do you sleep at peace at night?
Can you breathe with ease and do you sigh with relief when you think of what you managed to do after many failed at it?
I wish I could say that !I! let you manage. But it's wasn't my call.
You can send the whole world to my door, you can write it in the skies or make a TV commercial... I would still be convinced, until my flesh becomes ashes and my bones turn black that you had a finger in this pie...
You, you, you... you despicable scheming dwarf. Slow clap for your triumph. Slow clap on YOUR, and yours only, happy ending.
Because when you're done with her, the only one who's gonna have a happy ending is going to be you.
At least you have your own little repulsing self. And she...
After you threshed out everything she ever had in her life - her friends, her family, her surroundings, her traditions, her tastes and habits,... me,...
she is left with nothing.
Not even with her pathetic sorry-ass self.
Unlike you... you, you loathsome sneaky dwarf.
Slow-clap for the winner everybody. Slow clap for the "happy end" that is yet to come.
(Long overdue.)
Do you sleep at peace at night?
Can you breathe with ease and do you sigh with relief when you think of what you managed to do after many failed at it?
I wish I could say that !I! let you manage. But it's wasn't my call.
You can send the whole world to my door, you can write it in the skies or make a TV commercial... I would still be convinced, until my flesh becomes ashes and my bones turn black that you had a finger in this pie...
You, you, you... you despicable scheming dwarf. Slow clap for your triumph. Slow clap on YOUR, and yours only, happy ending.
Because when you're done with her, the only one who's gonna have a happy ending is going to be you.
At least you have your own little repulsing self. And she...
After you threshed out everything she ever had in her life - her friends, her family, her surroundings, her traditions, her tastes and habits,... me,...
she is left with nothing.
Not even with her pathetic sorry-ass self.
Unlike you... you, you loathsome sneaky dwarf.
Slow-clap for the winner everybody. Slow clap for the "happy end" that is yet to come.
(Long overdue.)
вторник, 4 декември 2012 г.
The weight
Soft skin,
you touch me within and so I know I could be human once again.
I know you're faced with something that could consume you completely.
Soft skin,
you touch me once again and somehow it stings
‘cause I know it is the end
I hate that you’re leaving, so why don’t you talk to me?
You act like nothing ever happened but it meant the world to me.
And you can’t, and you can’t see the weight in the trees.
And you can’t, and you can’t see the weight of the bees,
and you can’t, and you can’t see the weight in the dark.
And you can’t, and you can’t see the weight on my heart.
(These were our fallen secrets…).
Soft skin.
Why have you been in my heart?
Soft skin, oh.
You will never lie to me again so now I’m suffering.
Oh you can’t, and you can’t see the wind in the trees.
And you can’t, and you can’t see the wind in the leaves.
And you can’t, and you can’t see the weight in the dark.
And you can’t, and you see the weight on my heart.
(These were our fallen secrets…).
Soft skin,
you touch me within and so I know I could be human once again.
I know you're faced with something that could consume you completely.
Soft skin,
you touch me once again and somehow it stings
‘cause I know it is the end.
I hate that you’re leaving so why don’t you talk to me?
Grimes. Skin.
you touch me within and so I know I could be human once again.
I know you're faced with something that could consume you completely.
Soft skin,
you touch me once again and somehow it stings
‘cause I know it is the end
I hate that you’re leaving, so why don’t you talk to me?
You act like nothing ever happened but it meant the world to me.
And you can’t, and you can’t see the weight in the trees.
And you can’t, and you can’t see the weight of the bees,
and you can’t, and you can’t see the weight in the dark.
And you can’t, and you can’t see the weight on my heart.
(These were our fallen secrets…).
Soft skin.
Why have you been in my heart?
Soft skin, oh.
You will never lie to me again so now I’m suffering.
Oh you can’t, and you can’t see the wind in the trees.
And you can’t, and you can’t see the wind in the leaves.
And you can’t, and you can’t see the weight in the dark.
And you can’t, and you see the weight on my heart.
(These were our fallen secrets…).
Soft skin,
you touch me within and so I know I could be human once again.
I know you're faced with something that could consume you completely.
Soft skin,
you touch me once again and somehow it stings
‘cause I know it is the end.
I hate that you’re leaving so why don’t you talk to me?
Grimes. Skin.
неделя, 11 ноември 2012 г.
...in the rose garden of love
I'm afraid to even say that I'm afraid...
I'm afraid of the end of us. I can see that you are scared, too, but you somehow manage to hide all that fear, chase it away and be strong for me.
I don't know. You don't know.
There is a slight hope lurking in me that you will find a way to explain all this, to come clean, to admit your feelings for me or finally deny them. I'm waiting and praying for courage. Courage for the both of us.
Don't be afraid of me... don't be ashamed...
I was hoping that my overwhelming love for you eventually might infect you. My bewitching love words will dazzle you and manage to blind you into thinking that you love me back the same way.
I am so afraid... of those future moments when I will think of those nights when I quietly cried myself to sleep beside you while you were listening to your music and remember... that I saw it coming.
And I still didn't run away on time. I didn't even try to protect myself. Couldn't. Wouldn't.
Wouldn't.
I'd rather have one breath of your hair, one kiss of your mouth, one touch of your hand, than eternity without it.
One.
I'm afraid of the end of us. I can see that you are scared, too, but you somehow manage to hide all that fear, chase it away and be strong for me.
I don't know. You don't know.
There is a slight hope lurking in me that you will find a way to explain all this, to come clean, to admit your feelings for me or finally deny them. I'm waiting and praying for courage. Courage for the both of us.
Don't be afraid of me... don't be ashamed...
I was hoping that my overwhelming love for you eventually might infect you. My bewitching love words will dazzle you and manage to blind you into thinking that you love me back the same way.
I am so afraid... of those future moments when I will think of those nights when I quietly cried myself to sleep beside you while you were listening to your music and remember... that I saw it coming.
And I still didn't run away on time. I didn't even try to protect myself. Couldn't. Wouldn't.
Wouldn't.
I'd rather have one breath of your hair, one kiss of your mouth, one touch of your hand, than eternity without it.
One.
Darling I am willing to greet you...
събота, 27 октомври 2012 г.
Shop with me
With each day passed, I'm beginning to feel more and more lonely with you...
Nothing that I say makes you change anything.
Are you lonely with me, too?
Nothing that I say makes you change anything.
Are you lonely with me, too?
неделя, 14 октомври 2012 г.
Irreversible
Не можем винаги да сме щастливи,
от нас си тръгват толкова неща.
Безсилни сме отново да ги върнем,
дори и да правим опит за това.
Недей тъжи за времето отминало,
недей го връща даже и в съня,
нима се връща някога Незабравимото,
с предишния си смисъл и цена?
намерено някога отдавна в един прашасал профил на един непознат човек
от нас си тръгват толкова неща.
Безсилни сме отново да ги върнем,
дори и да правим опит за това.
Недей тъжи за времето отминало,
недей го връща даже и в съня,
нима се връща някога Незабравимото,
с предишния си смисъл и цена?
намерено някога отдавна в един прашасал профил на един непознат човек
неделя, 16 септември 2012 г.
I forgot I'm only human
Sometimes... sometimes when I think of something silly... or say something funny, I remember the way your laughter sounded. And how your smiling face looked with your eyes half-closed. And the way you used to shrug your shoulders while laughing quietly.It's been 6 months since we last spoke. Or is it maybe more? When did we really talk to each other for the last time?
It's been 1 year since you betrayed me. Again.
A friend of mine told me that the best thing I could do was to love you from afar and hope from the bottom of my heart that you would come to your senses.
I'm sorry. I'm just not big enough to forgive you.
P.S. "I've been breaking my back with the weight of your heart"... Although, I know that the real heavy heart to carry... is mine.
петък, 20 юли 2012 г.
понеделник, 2 юли 2012 г.
сряда, 30 май 2012 г.
неделя, 6 май 2012 г.
Dare to think for yourself
You are so stuck in me. In my music, my memories, in my laptop, in my pictures, in my sky, in my air, in my eyes, in my skin... yet you are such a stranger. I have to fight you, chase you away...
I will love you less each day.
I swear it!
неделя, 8 април 2012 г.
but wilts away.
And so it is... You did it. You did it well! Nice! Slowclap for you...and farewell.
I had the intention of writing so much more... Blaming you for the cruel freak that you are, blaming me for the idiotic fool that I am for believing in you and then blaming you again for all the things that you did...
Aaaaahhhh, whatever. Fuck the things you did. The things you thought of though - that's my favourite part. You not only thought of them but also kept them to yourself.
So what? What would you have me do? What would you have me say to change them? YOU should have known me better, you should have known yourself better...
I thought you did. And probably that's why I extended more and more my agonizing stay in The Waiting Place.
Just...waiting...for you...to start caring about our friendship, about me...
And above all - about you.
Waiting for you to start talking, to act normal, to return back to being adequate. Or were you ever? Wasn't it all in my head? All my idolization of your image wasn't it all make believe?
If not, all that happened, all that you did, said or kept to yourself is so excruciating... devastating... skullbashing... The solemn thought of it is capable of driving me straight on the road to a madhouse.
We choose so many things in our life. Now I know how to do what always seemed the hard, hard, hardest thing to me... I learned how to let go.
I despise all your devious choices, I will never forget how much you hurt me, I will never erase the last picture of you in my mind - leaving me behind... disappointing me...shocking me with your shallow, idiotic, completely illogical actions and all this with that fake smile, those empty words coming from your lips and your blank look.
I don't wish you happiness, I don't hope for the best, I am not pretending I have any belief things could get better, because they won't. I am empty for you.
A moment too late is really late. I don't love you anymore. Goodbye.
When you finally find some time to "get some answers", "figure out some things" and "define who you are" I am really curious if you will like what you see in the mirror in the morning.
I had the intention of writing so much more... Blaming you for the cruel freak that you are, blaming me for the idiotic fool that I am for believing in you and then blaming you again for all the things that you did...
Aaaaahhhh, whatever. Fuck the things you did. The things you thought of though - that's my favourite part. You not only thought of them but also kept them to yourself.
So what? What would you have me do? What would you have me say to change them? YOU should have known me better, you should have known yourself better...
I thought you did. And probably that's why I extended more and more my agonizing stay in The Waiting Place.
Just...waiting...for you...to start caring about our friendship, about me...
And above all - about you.
Waiting for you to start talking, to act normal, to return back to being adequate. Or were you ever? Wasn't it all in my head? All my idolization of your image wasn't it all make believe?
If not, all that happened, all that you did, said or kept to yourself is so excruciating... devastating... skullbashing... The solemn thought of it is capable of driving me straight on the road to a madhouse.
We choose so many things in our life. Now I know how to do what always seemed the hard, hard, hardest thing to me... I learned how to let go.
I despise all your devious choices, I will never forget how much you hurt me, I will never erase the last picture of you in my mind - leaving me behind... disappointing me...shocking me with your shallow, idiotic, completely illogical actions and all this with that fake smile, those empty words coming from your lips and your blank look.
I don't wish you happiness, I don't hope for the best, I am not pretending I have any belief things could get better, because they won't. I am empty for you.
A moment too late is really late. I don't love you anymore. Goodbye.
When you finally find some time to "get some answers", "figure out some things" and "define who you are" I am really curious if you will like what you see in the mirror in the morning.
четвъртък, 1 март 2012 г.
Love grows,
I thought it would eventually go away.
Vanish forever and nothing would be here to remind me of my brutal disappointment.
But this bitter taste I get every time I try to smile at you or for you, this feeling that I'm barefoot in the snow and this cold wind that passes right through that hole of missing flesh in my heart...
This is all here. How long would it haunt me?
Deception comes in the 1st place. It's funny how you were the very first person to say it.
In a strange, ironic, wickedly twisted way, funny indeed.
Vanish forever and nothing would be here to remind me of my brutal disappointment.
But this bitter taste I get every time I try to smile at you or for you, this feeling that I'm barefoot in the snow and this cold wind that passes right through that hole of missing flesh in my heart...
This is all here. How long would it haunt me?
Deception comes in the 1st place. It's funny how you were the very first person to say it.
In a strange, ironic, wickedly twisted way, funny indeed.
сряда, 8 февруари 2012 г.
неделя, 5 февруари 2012 г.
Oh, happy day!
Честит рожден ден на момичето с вятъра в косите, което ме научи на повече, отколкото предполага....
И което ми показа, че това, в което вярвам е реално и има смисъл да продължавам да бъда себе си no matter what.
Иска ми се да мога да ти подаря цял куп странни неща :-} - десетки чадъри, един кашон омекотител за пране :-D, сума ти малки charm висулки, double rainbows, значки, звезди...
Това, което искам да ти кажа най-много обаче е колко много МНОГО се гордея с теб, с това, което постигна и всичко, което СИ и винаги ще бъдеш. Обичам те, неповторима приятелко :-}
вторник, 31 януари 2012 г.
Tears on my ipad
"It doesn't matter how you feel about it and how you justify it to yourself. In the end your actions are not isolated. They affect me and I suffer. ...And I've been suffering... and loving you...
But honey, I don't know how much more love and patience I have left in me.
You can wait to find out.
Or you can do whatever else you want."
неделя, 29 януари 2012 г.
Beginning of the end
When things start to happen, things that I don't want...
When I begin to see A CHOICE in something that you claim to be your nature...
When I can't spend a second without feeling this enourmous pain in my left side...
When I begin to wake up in the middle of the night and questions and conclusions begin to crush my skull...
When I begin to understand that there is no going back on the road you've taken and I begin to mourn...
When I see you step away...
When I step back and I don't want to come closer...
...
That's when I know that things are falling apart.
Like they always do.
неделя, 22 януари 2012 г.
Trick of light
"The darkness can sometimes be a pleasure to me. I stand around from the outside of it, peering from the edge,... looking for the answers to the questions I'll never ask..."
сряда, 4 януари 2012 г.
Forbidden city
I just love:
- the way you yawn at me in the morning :-}
- the funny manner in which you put your socks on
- the made up songs that you sing while you're drying your hair
- the way you kiss me when you think I am asleep
- the weird hilarious nicknames you have for me
- when you dance in your underwear :-D
- your inability to be serious when I am yelling at you
and then your humble obedience... after all.
- the feeling that you wedge in me when I look into your eyes... and suddenly music starts to play at the back of my mind...
And in the music video the main characters meet somewhere in the middle of the way, lock in a hug and she says that she loves him for the first time.
And then it starts raining and all the people around disappear, run and hide...
But them.
- the way you yawn at me in the morning :-}
- the funny manner in which you put your socks on
- the made up songs that you sing while you're drying your hair
- the way you kiss me when you think I am asleep
- the weird hilarious nicknames you have for me
- when you dance in your underwear :-D
- your inability to be serious when I am yelling at you
and then your humble obedience... after all.
- the feeling that you wedge in me when I look into your eyes... and suddenly music starts to play at the back of my mind...
And in the music video the main characters meet somewhere in the middle of the way, lock in a hug and she says that she loves him for the first time.
And then it starts raining and all the people around disappear, run and hide...
But them.
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